A health care agent is the person assigned to make medical decisions for your loved one if they can’t speak for themselves. This may be you or another loved one. Either way, you need to officially name your loved one’s health care agent so doctors and hospitals know who to call if and when the time comes. In Howard County, we recommend using the free online tool, MyDirectives, to name an agent.

It’s easy (you can name an agent online in minutes), supported by Howard County General Hospital and Maryland Hospital Association and makes your loved one’s health care agent decision available to all Howard County doctors and hospitals.

Another tough, but truly beneficial step is to have your loved one consider completing a living will. A living will lists the details of the type of treatment they would want in specific end-of-life situations (for example, if they are in a coma and the doctors do not expect that they will wake up). Living wills state treatment preferences such as if your loved one would like machines to help them breathe, or if they would like medications to help them manage pain.

MyDirectives also allows you to complete a living will for free (what they call, an  “advance directive”). The site lets you state preferences on attempts at CPR (similar to Do Not Resuscitate Orders) and wishes in regards to organ donation and autopsy. Get started here. 

Talking about end-of-life care can be intimidating – but it leads to the type of understanding that you and your family need to avoid stress and conflict. To make this easier, we put together two questions that help your loved one think through the kind of care they’d want. Completing the questions is only helpful if your loved one discusses their answers with their health care agent (and/or other loved ones who should know). That way, everyone involved making decisions knows what that loved one values and wants. Other residents have found talking through these answers over lunch or a walk can give surprising clarity. 

If you are burnt out, you won’t be able to be there for your parent. You have to take care of yourself, too. Sometimes that’s as simple as surrounding yourself with people who know what you’re going through. Here is a list of local support groups – you can find one that fits your needs best.

At some point, you may need to bring in extra help – whether that be a few hours of extra helping hands or full-time professional support. Maryland Health Care Commission’s free webtool allows you to search local, trusted facilities by location and services offered. The tool lists adult day care, assisted living, home health, nursing home, and hospice facilities and you can filter by specialty areas, such as Alzheimer’s or dialysis care. 

Taking on medical care tasks can be intimidating – you may not have experience doing the required tasks and you don’t want to harm your loved one.

Howard County Community College provides a home care provider training that covers everything from preventing falls and injuries in the home to medication safety.